Unplugged/Unfiltered: Changing the Narrative of Motherhood

With March marking Women’s History Month, there’s also a quieter narrative unfolding around motherhood — one that women have been reshaping for years.... and now that the world is starting to catch up, you can feel the discomfort that comes with challenging long-standing expectations. Motherhood is often presented like a postcard or Instagram-ready captures of effortless routines.... but real motherhood has never looked like that. We can all agree it is so much more incredibly layered than that. It’s navigating adult responsibilities while raising small humans who are still learning how the world works. It’s guiding values, advocating for safety, building routines, and trying to raise thoughtful, resilient kids while still growing as a person yourself.

For generations, the expectations placed on mothers were shaped by social systems designed around men’s roles in society. Economic structures, workplace policies, and cultural norms assumed that men worked outside the home while women maintained it.

Women were expected to adapt to that system; but women were rarely the ones defining it.

Now, that narrative is changing — not because motherhood has changed, but because women are finally speaking openly about what it has always looked like and when we start examining those expectations through a critical lens, something becomes clear: many of the standards mothers have been measured against were never built around the realities of women’s lives.

The Patriarchal Gaze (Or Patriarchal Bullsh*t): Why Everyone Feels Entitled to Judge Mothers

One of the most powerful forces shaping expectations around motherhood is something sociologists and feminist theorists often refer to as the patriarchal gaze.

The patriarchal gaze is the idea that women’s lives; their bodies, choices, work, and parenting — have historically been evaluated through a social lens built largely by male-centered power structures.

Under this gaze, women are often observed, analyzed, and judged more intensely than men.

When a father shows up for a school pickup, people often celebrate him for being present. If he’s not there, he’s praised for providing.

But when a mom isn’t there, the narrative flips. People start wondering where she is, asking questions, and making wild assumptions—trust me, some of the stuff I’ve heard when mother's aren't around would make a sitcom jealous. And when she is there? Sometimes the assumption becomes that she must not be working toward anything at all.

If a father builds a career, he’s ambitious. If a mother does, she’s balancing too much. If a father steps away from work, he’s redefining life. If a mother does the same, she risks being labeled "lazy" or "crazy".

This dynamic is not always intentional, but it has been deeply integrated through generations of cultural messaging and because of that, more than not — women’s choices are often scrutinized: Too focused on career? Too focused on motherhood? Too independent? Not independent enough?

In many ways, mothers have been navigating a system where no choice escapes judgment; but this is where things have drastically changed, because awareness changes everything.

Once women begin recognizing these patterns, they can begin questioning them, talking openly about them — and redefining what motherhood actually means on their own terms.

The Label: “Good Mothers Stay Home”

For much of the 20th century, the dominant cultural narrative suggested that the ideal mother stayed home full-time while fathers worked outside the home.

Psychologically, this narrative became powerful because repeated images/actions shape social expectations. When people see the same model of family life represented across media, policy, advertising, and culture; it slowly becomes accepted as the “natural” order of things.

But isn’t it ironic that when we actually look at women’s history, the story it tells is very different? Women have always worked — from ancient civilizations to the middle ages, and into industrialized societies — women have always played essential economic and social roles.

In fields like agriculture, small businesses, factories, schools, hospitals, and within their communities long before modern workforce participation expanded. Much of that labor just wasn’t always recognized or financially valued.

Today, that reality is far more visible.

According to Statistics Canada, more than 75% of mothers with children under 16 are part of the workforce. Women are executives, educators, healthcare workers, creators, and leaders across nearly every industry.

In many households, women are not only contributing financially — they are primary earners, business owners, and decision-makers shaping the economic future of their families.

And yet, despite this shift, subtle cultural pressures still linger.

The expectation that mothers must somehow perform flawlessly in both worlds — career and caregiving — remains one of the quiet contradictions women continue to navigate today.

The Shift: Mothers Defining Their Own Paths

Modern motherhood is no longer defined by a single structure or societal template. Some mothers are present every waking hour, some are building careers, some are rebuilding their lives after divorce or major life transitions, some work behind the scenes managing things that no one sees, and many are doing all of these things at once.

Critical thinking asks us to challenge assumptions: Who decided one version of motherhood existed? Why should a mother’s value be measured by someone else’s checklist?

The reality is that families are complex systems. What works best for me, may be way too overwhelming for you. It all depends on individual circumstances, personalities, and resources.

Coming from a mother I watched navigate the corporate world, I now understand the courage it takes to carve your own path—sometimes with zero support—and as I follow in her footsteps, I see just how much strength and determination it requires every single day.

True motherhood lies within commitment, adaptability, and intention. It’s about modeling resilience, self-respect, and problem-solving for the next generation, giving yourself permission to define motherhood on your own terms, and teaching children that their path will be unique too.

The Label: “Men Provide, Women Depend”

Tied to this narrative is another absurd assumption: that fathers provide financially while mothers provide care.

At first glance, this sounds balanced — a division of responsibilities; but when examined more critically, it reveals a deeper power structure, and one I was blind to for the longest time.

For much of modern history, women could not open bank accounts, own property independently, or access financial systems without male permission. Economic dependence wasn’t only shaped by culture or relationships; it was built into institutions themselves.

Financial autonomy directly influences freedom  — when one person holds complete financial control in a household, the other person’s independence can become limited.

That’s why talks about equality now focus not just on shared parenting, but also on sharing financial control. The irony is that motherhood itself requires a lot of silent labor; with things like childcare, emotional support, transportation, education, and the household.

Economists often refer to this as the “second shift”.

Globally, unpaid domestic labor — most of it performed by women — would represent trillions of dollars in economic value if it were actually financially compensated. Yet the cultural narrative often persists. Women are still expected to sacrifice autonomy, while men are praised for providing.

The Shift: Partnership Instead of Roles

Now we see that modern families are increasingly rejecting rigid gender roles in parenting. Responsibilities now evolve according to the family’s needs, guided by shared decision-making and mutual respect.

Crucially, financial independence gives women the power of choice:

• The choice to pursue education.

• The choice to build a career.

• The choice to leave situations that no longer serve them.

• The choice to shape family life in ways that support both parents and children.

  
  

When children witness responsibility and respect shared equally, they internalize a powerful lesson: equality is not just an idea, it's a lived practice, and financial independence is an essential part of that freedom.

For girls, this models confidence, self-reliance, and the understanding that their contributions are valued. For boys, it demonstrates that true leadership is not about dominance, but about partnership, integrity, and respect. Boys who grow up appreciating that women’s voices matter—both at home and in the workplace—are far more likely to advocate for equity and challenge unfair systems.

As a boy mom, I also see this from the next generation’s perspective: girls need to learn independence, confidence, and the courage to take up space, make choices, and pursue their ambitions. At the same time, boys need to recognize that women’s voices, skills, and labor are equal to theirs—and that in corporate spaces, women are still too often underestimated or not taken seriously.

Teaching young men to recognize bias and speak up for equality prepares them to challenge outdated systems rather than reinforce them. This also means understanding that skills like cooking, cleaning, managing a home, and caring for others are not “women’s work”—they are essential human skills. Just as women should feel empowered to navigate the business world, all children should learn that competence, responsibility, and care are for everyone.

Instilling these values breaks down outdated gender roles, nurtures independence, and builds self-sufficiency. It teaches children that contribution, empathy, and capability are universal, laying the foundation for healthier relationships, stronger communities, and more equitable workplaces.

By reframing parenting as a true partnership, we empower women today and raise a generation that carries forward a vision of fairness, respect, and shared responsibility.

The Label: “The Perfect Mother”

Another persistent narrative is that mothers should maintain homes that appear calm, organized, and effortless but the psychology behind domestic labor shed light on a flawed narrative.

Sociologists refer to the hidden coordination behind family life as the mental load, which includes:

• Remembering events.

• Scheduling appointments.

• Planning meals.

• Managing logistics.

• Anticipating family needs before they arise.

Studies consistently show that women carry a heavier load of this invisible work — even in households where both parents work full time; and the result is a cultural paradox. Mothers are expected to maintain calm, structured homes, but the work required to create that environment is rarely acknowledged.

The Shift: Intentional Homes Instead of 'Perfect' Ones

Rather than chasing perfection, many of us today are focusing on something more meaningful: investing time and energy into our home, and creating environments where our families truly feel supported.

Research in environmental psychology shows that cluttered environments can increase stress levels and reduce concentration. While this doesn’t mean homes are always spotless, it does mean thoughtful systems can make life easier. Small changes matter:

• Simplifying routines

• Cleaning as you go

• Organizing shared spaces

• Creating quiet corners for creativity

• Adding music to daily life
  

Across cultures, from Feng Shui traditions to modern wellness practices — people have long recognized that environments influence emotional well-being. It doesn't need to be overly complicated, it just requires a little intention.

The Label: “Ambitious Mothers Are Selfish”

Society has also often implied that that women pursuing education or professional growth somehow conflict with motherhood; when nothing is further from the truth.

Here is where developmental psychology shows us something very different.

Children learn primarily through observation. When children watch their mothers (parents) set goals, work toward them, and grow; they unknowingly internalize those behaviors.

Research from Harvard found that daughters of working mothers often grow into adults with higher career aspirations, while sons raised by working mothers are more likely to support gender equality and participate in household responsibilities.

Ambition does not undermine motherhood at all; it actually models what makes us so resilient.

The Shift: Growth and Motherhood Can Coexist

And motherhood doesn’t pause when women pursue education, careers, or personal growth. The early mornings, long days, and constant family logistics actually multiply. For mothers balancing school, work, and parenting, life often feels like running a marathon while carrying a backpack full of responsibilities.

Within that chaos lies a powerful lesson: these rhythms teach children that dedication and responsibility aren’t separate from love, fun, and connection — they can coexist.

They learn that growth is a lifelong process, not something that stops for the sake of routine.

By modeling perseverance, time management, and self-care, mothers show their children that ambition and care aren’t mutually exclusive. They demonstrate that it’s possible to follow dreams, set boundaries, and still prioritize what truly matters: nurturing relationships, maintaining stability, and raising thoughtful, resilient human beings.

The balance isn’t perfect, and it doesn’t need to be. What matters is showing up consistently, embracing imperfection, and turning everyday challenges into lessons of resilience, adaptability, and empowerment.

The Label: “Advocating Mothers Are Difficult”

Women who speak up — whether in schools, family systems, or community spaces — have historically been labeled as emotional, confrontational, or difficult. Even when advocating for their children’s safety and well-being, mothers can be dismissed or judged.

The reality is that these labels don’t reflect truth; they reflect a system built around patriarchal expectations. Schools, courts, and even therapeutic systems are often designed without considering the complexity of modern families.

Each child, each household, and each parent’s situation is unique, yet the structures rarely accommodate nuance.

For mothers, this can be one of the hardest parts of parenting: knowing your child and trusting your instincts, but feeling constantly questioned or undermined. Advocacy in these contexts is treated as a challenge rather than a responsibility.

The Shift: Advocacy Is Leadership

But here’s the truth: advocating for your child is not conflict. It is responsibility, leadership, and truthfully; a form of empowerment.

Throughout history, mothers have been powerful catalysts for social change — pushing for education reform, healthcare improvements, child labor laws, and stronger community protections. Today, mothers continue that legacy every time they speak up for their children, challenge outdated systems, or insist on environments where their children are safe, supported, and valued.

What helps is standing your ground, trusting your intuition, and embracing advocacy as part of your parental authority. Speaking up doesn’t make you difficult, it makes you a parent who refuses to settle for anything less than what any child needs and deserves.

By reframing advocacy as leadership, we shift the narrative. We reclaim the story from judgment and societal expectations, showing children that fairness, respect, and courage are actions, not just ideas.

The Label: “Divorce Means Broken Families”

For generations, divorce carried a heavy stigma—especially for mothers. Society often implied that a mother who separates has “failed,” and that her children are destined to suffer emotionally or socially. Meanwhile, fathers rarely faced the same scrutiny. Instead they were often praised for maintaining presence, providing financially, or “handling things” like a responsible adult.

This double standard reinforces yet another layer of toxic male hierarchy: that women must sacrifice their well-being, suppress their needs, and tolerate unhappy or unsafe situations for the sake of appearances.

It paints divorce as a personal moral failing rather than a complex life decision and this kind of labeling can be isolating. Women may internalize guilt, question their choices, and feel pressure to conform to unrealistic ideals. Yet the truth is clear: children’s well-being is shaped far more by the quality of relationships, communication, and stability—than by whether parents stay married.

This label also ignores the reality of modern family life. Domestic abuse rates are at an all-time high, and families come in all shapes and structures.

Stability doesn’t have to match traditional ideals — single parents, co-parents, blended families, and other nontraditional households can all thrive when respect, consistency, and emotional support are prioritized.

The Shift: Healthy Co-Parenting

Today, more families are redefining what stability looks like — moving from judgment to intentional cooperation. Healthy co-parenting is about creating systems that support both children and parents. Some practical strategies that work for families like mine include:

• Setting clear boundaries – Define responsibilities and expectations so everyone knows their role.

• Building flexibility into schedules – Life is unpredictable; allowing adaptability reduces stress.

• Communicating respectfully – Focus on problem-solving instead of blame.

• Staying present for milestones – Birthdays, sports events, school awards — show up, side by side, for your children.

• Share child-related expenses – Separate from formal child support, this approach allows parents to provide for their children without being trapped by outdated systems that are known to divide families.

  
  

Two homes can still feel like one supportive system. Children benefit most when parents demonstrate collaboration, maturity, and respect — modeling important life skills such as problem-solving and empathy (even towards those you may disagree with).

For mothers navigating these waters, the biggest challenge is often the systems themselves: schools, therapists, and institutions rarely account for the complexity of modern families. Yet standing your ground, trusting your intuition, and prioritizing your child’s needs over external judgment can be both empowering and transformative.

The Label: “Boys Should Be Raised Tough”

For decades, traditional masculinity suggested that boys should suppress emotion, act dominant, and prioritize toughness over empathy. Girls, on the other hand, were expected to be nurturing, compliant, and quiet — another double standard reinforced by culture, media, and family expectations.

However, it's these narratives that create real consequences. Boys may struggle with emotional regulation, while girls may internalize the idea that their voice or safety is secondary. Women are increasingly expected to navigate public spaces cautiously — constantly aware of threats and societal judgment.

In a world where safety isn’t guaranteed, relying solely on others to protect you reinforces old patriarchal narratives about gender, power, and control.

The Shift: Raising Boys Who Respect Women

If society wants to shift how women are treated, it starts at home. Boys should be taught that strength is not just physical; it includes empathy, responsibility, communication, and respect. Emotional intelligence is one of the strongest predictors of healthy relationships and lifelong success.

Extracurriculars like martial arts, MMA, karate, or jiu-jitsu aren’t just about defense — they teach discipline, focus, resilience, and respect. This isn’t only for boys; and I wish more women would learn self-defense, not just for physical safety but as a daily practice of empowerment. Knowing your own strength is liberating; it reinforces autonomy, confidence, and resilience in a world where women are too often made to feel vulnerable.

The reoccurring theme here is children model what they see.

Raising children in this way challenges the old narrative that toughness is only masculine or that women must remain cautious and passive. Instead, it cultivates a generation of boys and girls who see equality, respect, and empowerment as something normal, as it should be.

The Label: “Women in Media Should Stay Quiet”

At one point women in broadcasting were even expected to play a certain role... supportive, secondary, or just the voice behind someone else’s platform. Speaking up, choosing topics, or shaping conversations often attracted criticism, labeling women as “too opinionated,” “emotional,” or “controversial”.

Even today, female broadcasters are sometimes judged more for their tone, appearance, or life choices than for the ideas they bring to the table. The old narrative assumes women shouldn’t be smart, take space in public discourse, lead discussions about power, or social change, or influence how audiences think about society.

This pressure creates a subtle but persistent form of silence. Women are conditioned to self-censor, hold back insights, or defer to others — even when they are the most knowledgeable voices in the room. It reinforces the patriarchal idea that authority, influence, and expertise belong to men, while women’s contributions are secondary or conditional.

The Shift: Using Your Voice to Lead and Inspire

In truth, the impact is undeniable: women in media are shaping culture, influencing policy, and modeling leadership. Those old labels no longer reflect what women actually do — or the impact they continue to have.

This shift is something I’m starting to see more clearly now that I’m actually in media. I have the privilege of shaping conversations in real time. I select the topics, decide the themes, and create space for voices that challenge narratives.

From highlighting women’s empowerment to addressing parenting, culture, and equality, I use my platform to shift how listeners think about women and motherhood.

Speaking up on the air is an extension of everyday advocacy. It reminds the next generation that women have the power to lead, influence, and shape society. Every perspective shared, and every conversation sparked helps normalize women taking space, asserting expertise, and driving meaningful change.

Radio isn’t just a job; it’s a powerful platform that carries real responsibility, that shapes the potential of our future.

Changing the Narrative Starts With Us

My message to women and mothers everywhere: Some days the house is messy, some days schedules feel chaotic, and some days you feel like you're just not doing enough; it helps to pause and remember something quietly powerful: no one else gets to define you.

For generations, society has wrapped opinions around women’s bodies, choices, and lives that don’t even belong to them.... and now that narrative is finally starting to shift, because women are making it happen.

Motherhood was never meant to fit into a single mold. It is lived differently in every home, every culture, and every life. Mother nature also teaches us this. That no wind ever touches the same face.

What truly matters is presence while building environments where children feel safe, supported, and inspired to grow; through every routine, every conversation, and every lesson. Each small moment becomes another brick in raising a generation that understands empathy, equality, and resilience; becoming a little louder than the one before.

When women share their stories — the struggles, the strategies, and the lessons learned — we don’t just support each other, we reshape the way the world understands us.

🌸 Happy International Women’s Day 🌸 If you missed The Electric Frequency: the Women Empowerment Edition, it will be available soon on select platforms but don’t forget — tune in every Thursday at 5PM to help amplify women’s voices together. One story, one voice, and one conversation at a time. Join me, speak up, share your story, and be part of the change! INDI 101.5 FM or connect on socials @ELECTRICxRAE (on all platforms). Because your voice matters too.